I want to see God

I want to see God:
when i wake up,
when i brush my teeth,
when i figure out what to wear today,
when i drink my daily cup of coffee,
when i lock the door to my house,
when i sit at work,
when i pass a stranger on the street,
when i am troubled,
when i am poor in spirit,
when i am joyful,
when i am broken,
when i am sinful,
when i am uncertain,
when i pray,
when i watch the sunset,
when i dream dreams,
when i am confused,
when i am content,
when i am frightened,
when i am lonely,
when i am worshiping,
when i don't know where to turn,
when i go to sleep...
I see God when for once,
and maybe only a second in a day,
i forget about myself,
and follow Him.

prayer

I'm doing this thing where I walk, yay exercise, and just pray and meditate. I think i do more of the talking though, haha. lately, i've just been filling my plate so full of doing stuff, which is usually ok, but i'm lacking in truly laying a solid foundation in jesus. i also believe that there are so many different ways to draw close to God and that it can happen at every moment in the day if i would just stop and put aside my own selfishness. i'm bombarded by so many choices and by routines that i just don't stop, look, and listen to God.

but while i was walking i think i realized some of my own fears. I sometimes lose vision of eugene and start to just freak out about moving to the other side of the united states. i start to think about my community here whom i love dearly. but then i thought shoot ya know i'll go where YOU want me to go not where I want to go. again, i felt at peace about it. i think this is all part of the process of going to eugene and i continually have to remind myself that my life is not my own and that i will go where he wants to send me. i thank the people in my life who keep reminding me of my vision and how excited i was, and am still today, about going to eugene. :)
.

so much and so little time...

i've been processing a lot of stuff lately. so much stuff that my brain won't be able to handle all of the stuff that is in it. i've felt every single emotion in so many different, random ways that it sorta just makes me laugh thinking about.

i'm really starting to enjoy those little gifts in life that i really believe God blesses us all with. today it was a red cardinal in a tree. i passed him as i was walking in this beautiful weather we've been having. i just love to hear the birds! that in itself is a gift. another day back around mardi gras i went into work on a saturday for some extra hours. i came back to my car and had beads around my drivers side mirror. all the cars on the side of the road that i was parked on had some sort of beads on their car! i just laughed, almost cried because it was right after i went down to new orleans...so thank you to whoever put that on my car.

my thought is that God blesses us everyday with little things. he loves us more then i think we will ever understand...i'm still processing that. :) and i think i sometimes overlook that love that is so needed everyday. i end up turning to other things that just won't compare to Gods love. i admit my failure in that area, but i just don't want to miss God in my life. I want to experience the richness he has in plan for me. and i want to experience peoples stories in life of what God is doing in them. he's doing something little and/or big in all of our lives.

are we just willing to let go and follow him? most days i'd say yes to that question, but when i take my eyes off Jesus then i end up just falling in the water. maybe one day i'll stop being stupid and not look at sparkly things but only look at him! hehe :)

I had some pretty crazy, emotional, good days for the past 4 days or so. It's been tough and my tears definitely ran down my face each one of those days. The one thing that God is really working on in me right now is my response to the certain situations I am in. For instance, I heard more bad news about my car yesterday and I could make two different choices on how my response was going to be for that specific moment. I could, a. chose to have that ruin my life and become extremely depressed or b. trust God that he has some sort of plan set in and only he can make my heart become peaceful again. Now I have to say I did both a. and b. I had some time to kill so I went to the mall because of a christmas gift card I got for borders. In the past I would go shopping when I felt depressed and it would momentarily solve my problems. Well, I walked through the mall and just become more depressed looking at people being happy with all their purchases in their hands and decided this is not going to make me happy. It doesn't matter what I get here. Only Jesus can fill this void that I am feeling. It was very easy for me to feel all of the things that are on that cross picture that is above. I just felt like I needed to respond differently. So, I walked right back out of the mall, got in my car, and proceeded to cry some more. I had to take myself out of the equation, and just trust in God. The things of this world will just pass by me and I need to just let go...let go of the things that make my heart prideful, controlling, materialist, self-righteous, selfish, etc. And it's hard. VERY hard. But yesterday was just one little baby step for me. My heart has a long way to go.

I just know that there is more in this world then the daily moments of frustrations I encounter. I've just been struggling with the way I deal with them. Do I respond in a Christ-like way or a Stacie-like way?

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God."

My heart is for God and for God alone. I pray that I will understand that more and more each day.

Church

Today represented what the church is capable to look like. Though they may disagree...

We had a lovely ice/sorta snowing a little bit storm today...but it was mostly ice. So this morning I woke up, used the ice scrapper, and drove on my merry way. As I was sitting in class the sky decided to spit up ice and it landed on all of our cars. We all left class and in stead of every man on their own being left to scrap our cars, everyone pitched in to help each other. It really was a beautiful, tangible way to experience how the church, in my eyes, should be. It was just a special moment for me to just be present in. :)

Nola :)

I heart these people, more then they know. They've taught me a lot and saw me grow in some crazy ways these past so many months! :)

The org. we served with was Crossroads Missions. So great!! :)



New Orleans. I just wanted to share some pictures of the trip I went on in Jan. My heart is burdened for the city, but I know that love and hope are central in that city. I am encouraged by the people I met there while I helped serve. I learned a lot from them.

Reality

I was walking out of work today just thinking about the world and how big it is and how small I am in it. I had some thoughts, which I questioned if they were selfish or not. I thought I want to travel the world...so I envisioned myself in different places, getting off the airplane, walking on the dirt path road, and just living up the place where I was at. I want to go to places where Jesus is needed. I want to experience the kingdom in a bigger way then I've ever experienced. But I became humbled when I thought I will only go where You want me to go. Take myself out of the mathematical problem and just use me. I will go anywhere, at anytime, just to see what this whole world is up to. The reality is God wants me in indy right now. And I am embracing that, cherishing it, because I know this will not be my home for long.

And I just re-read the line where I said I want to go to places where Jesus is needed. I feel that is my motto for life right now. I want to experience life in organic ways, where people can be people. I'm slowly realizing that my heart is here in the US...and I don't know what that means, except that this country needs to be loved just as much as any other country. My mission field is here. I just have a heart to see the kingdom come alive in real, authentic ways. But I'm only now starting to understand what that means in my life today.

"Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."

"The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving towards all he has made."

Those two verses from Psalms have been my hearts prayer the past couple of days. I hope they are encouraging to you as they are to me. :)