Hard night

I think sometimes you see the beauty of the love of our Father when He just allows us to just cry and cry and cry until we almost forget about what we are crying about. A long time ago I used to think that I didn't have anything in my life that I needed to work on and now I feel like I have so much to work on. I do find that humorous. But last night, I didn't really find the humor in that. Because during the evening I felt completely broken. And even though I might have argued about the timing of things being revealed to, God obviously knew that it was the time. It gives me hope knowing that in all the mess of my life God is refining me. I won't sit here and not tell you that it's super simple and that I don't ever cry, because then I'd be a liar. ;) But I'm glad I'm learning...more so glad today, definitely not so much last night. I just wanted life to go away and not wake up for a very long time. I also felt alone...my roommate was home, and I definitely could have talked to her about what was going on, but I just didn't even want to talk. I had some friends praying for me and I know that God was hearing them. I just know that I don't want to be stuck in a place where God can never ever change my heart because of my stubborness...though He has his ways and can basically do whatever. I just want to take what I got last night and apply it. I can tell you it's not going to be easy. I keep learning how hard it is for people to truly get in to my life...and how I always want to be the strong person who can take care of myself. But God broke me of that. Broke me of being strong and wants me to take hold of his strength over my own. It won't be easy, but I would much rather rely on his strength and let go of my own. There will be more tears and more frustration and more pain...but I'm being refined. I don't know what God is doing with me, why I feel so broken sometimes, but I am learning to just be in those moments.

Eugene

It's becoming more and more real that my God is leading me towards Eugene. And I cry sometimes about the people that I am leaving here in Indy who I really love and consider authentic family. So in the midst of feeling like it's going to be hard God blesses me with a verse to just hold on to. It's in Isaiah 62: 12. "They will be called the Holy People, the Redeemed of the Lord, and you will be called Sought After, the City No Longer Deserted." It makes me realize God is doing so much in my heart to prepare me. That I no historically that verse is not about Eugene, but I really felt like I want to authentically experience that there in Eugene. It's a city that has 96% of people that are unchurched in the whole entire city. And my heart longs to see that Eugene is Sought After, the City No Longer Deserted. Even though I know I am leaving behind people I love dearly, I know they will always be my family, and that ultimately God is doing some really cool stuff in our world.

Today in church I looked around and thought about how beautiful it was to see so many people love Jesus sitting in one room. And I pray that people allow God to move them where He wants them. Wow...God's doing great things in Indy and I can see that with people that I meet and know personally. I pray for Him to continue to move here in a place that desperately needs Him.

And please pray for Eugene. It's a city where people need to be loved and cared for. God will do the rest. Amen!