Grad School

I'm meeting with a professor from the University of Oregon on Monday afternoon to talk about getting my Master's in music education. In order to continue teaching in Oregon I need to have my Master's. I'm all for school and am actually quite excited to go back, but loans freak me out...end of story. I mean, really, more school loans? I already have 30K from Butler so adding on to that makes me instantly want to throw up. And I then start to think of my future and have a million questions that go with that. Will I eventually get married and have a family? Will I be in oregon? Will i be overseas? Will I be teaching? Will i this and will i that...ugh. I have to turn that out and face reality. As of now there is not prospects of getting married and having a family. I'm staying in oregon and not planning on leaving anytime soon. I need to have a master's to continue teaching. So planning really does nothing for me. In 2006 I had my life planned out for me, no joke. And I am nowhere close to that plan! You'd think I'd learn that planning does absolutely nothing for me. God sorta stripped me of planning, yet I have to fight that urge to do just that.

I know this will work out. God knows my heart and my desires. He knows I'd like to do summer work overseas somewhere, He knows my lame old loans will be taken cared of, and He knows what will happen with this grad school thing. So even though I have a million questions about this I am going to "not worry about tomorrow" b/c I can sometimes barely handle today. This is just another example of how control in my life is pretty tough and how God wants me to be rid of that.