Saying Goodbye

Last night I was challenged with processing how I am going to be saying goodbye to people. The facts are out there. In 13 days I will be leaving Indianapolis and will be planted in Eugene. I have been mentally preparing for this for 6 months, but the reality of it sort of trumps the actual mental preparation of leaving. Basically, it's hard for me to think about the people here that have meant a lot to me. It leaves me to be a beautiful emotional nutcase at most times.

I keep thinking about the call Jesus set for the disciples. To go into cities in pairs with nothing on them and just be present. And it makes me question the emotions they were thinking. Were they excited? Sad? Mad? Just how were they feeling? Why don't we get that information? And it starts to make sense to me. We don't get that information because it would take a lot of the mystery away of what God is up to in the story of our lives. He tells us peace He leaves with us. So why do I feel like I need every question answered? It's because I want the control. But one thing I am learning is that my want to control does not line up with trusting God. Control and trust just aren't working for me. It's a battle I fight everyday. I want control so I start to rely on myself a little bit more rather then fully trusting in what God is doing. It's ok that I cannot see everything or know every answer to my question. God is starting to reveal things He wants me to know when He wants me to know it. That usually happens when I don't expect it. :)