music is my voice

i am listening to one of my top 10 vocal pieces of all times right now and it absolutely warms my heart. to the point of tears. it is truly beautiful and quite a masterpiece. it also helps me think while i listen. i've always tried to figure out why i am not one of those people that can just get into crazy debates, talks, discussions over a single topic for hours and hours. i can at times, but it's not my personal strength. it was a huge challenge for me during the training school and at every bible study/house church i have been a part of. i do get a little frustrated. frustrated at myself for not being able to just actively throw out all these brillant thoughts and frustrated that other people think i am not engaging. neither of them are actually true, it's just something i have to fight. but this piece i am listening to reminds me that i am a musician. i express myself the absolute best while singing or playing an instrument. music is my words and my voice when i do not know what to say or how to say it. it is the best way for me to express myself. maybe it's why i am an emotional person. i grew up around music, was dragged to music stores as early as i can remember, and had parents that were music teachers and musicians themselves. i grew up practicing more than i did talking (which is hard to imagine, haha). I think you get the idea. :) i am starting to understand myself more and more. i'm glad that music is my voice when i have no idea what to say anymore. it's a beautiful gift.