The Way of the Heart

I've been running from God lately. I was really trying to figure out last week if that was the case or if other stuff was what was making me feel so distant, so alone.

I've started to re-read the book "The Way of the Heart". If you have never read this book, please go get a copy of it somehow. Go to the library or borrow it from someone else that has it. Just read it. It is absolutely beautiful and is an incredibly quick read. It has so much information in it and so much to grasp that every time I pick it up I learn so much. It got it's inspiration from the Desert Fathers and Mothers and walks through solitude, silence, and prayer.

Yesterday afternoon I read the solitude section. Wow, was I convicted on this one again. It is scary to just put yourself out there in front of God with no distractions surrounding you. I haven't really given myself time to really dig deep into solitude. I've filled my life up so much lately with being busy and distracting myself. I've forgotten what it means to be loved by Jesus even when I have so much crap ever present in my life. I mess up and am blinded by my own faults that i will do anything and everything to distract me from the root of my own ugliness. Solitude strips you of yourself. And it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable at times. I'd rather have things distract me because it's easier. But how else can we be transformed by God who loves us if we don't spend time with Him? How can we be freed from our own sinfulness if we don't spend time with Him? Somehow that clicked with me yesterday. I've been running out of fear of dealing with my own pains and hurts.

"We like to take the blessing from You
Shall we not take the trouble too
You are working all things out
We like to take prosperity
Shall we not take the suffering
You are working all things out"

That's some lyrics from the song "For the Good" by Shane & Shane. In my solitude I pray to find peace in God and understanding that He is indeed working all things out.