lots of time on my hands

it's conference week, which means i've been "working" a lot more hours during the past 3 days to have tomorrow off. that is actually quite lovely. except i have so much time on my hands, stuck in a room all by myself. i get stir crazy and my brain usually is on over-load from all the "alone" time i've had. as i sit here in my office i realize i don't feel like i have been feeling the past week or 2 weeks (i've lost track of how long i've felt kinda emotionally down). i feel more peace. i still feel like things are crazy in my life and can't quite understand all of the stuff that is going on. i won't lie and say everything is ok. in fact, i've cried a lot lately. i'm sorta glad i still have tears left because there was a time where i wasn't feeling much of anything. this time, i am feeling a lot, which always seem to end up with tears. i find my tears are a good way to pray.

so i will continue to journey through this fog that is upon me. i daily seem to get broken and refined. i'm not beating myself up. i am loved. i am cherished. i am who i am because of Him. i don't want to fall for all the other things that try to tell me otherwise. i'd rather fight, scream, kick, hit, punch the crap out of all of the evil stuff trying to destroy me and take that away from me. i will absolutely not let it win. i only have today, not tomorrow. i'm going to start with that, put one foot in front of the other, and breathe. i think that will be a good start. :)